this post i'd like to talk about marriage and cc... on our way to rochester my wife and I got into a discussion... well lets face it, it was an argument. First of all let me preface this by saying i think my wife is the smartest person I know when it comes to relationships and emotions. No matter what she has ever said in regards to our relationship, the rules we've made, if we dont follow them....her prediction comes true. I don't listen to her as much as I should cause my ego gets in the way (that's a whole other conversation)... anyways..so the argument was about how i'm not pulling my weight in this marriage. let me say for those of you thinking this is absurd...having cancer becomes normal and we both agree that we cant change our standards because of it. So me " not pulling my weight" means that I'm not thinking about our relationship enough and that i'm not an "active member" in this relationship... let me clarify: my wife and I believe that there are 2 basic things that make a good marriage.. first, good, respectful and honest communication no matter what; 2, effort...and by effort I mean romance, sacrifice, understanding, love, and self growth...always working on bettering yourself. So the argument was her telling me to remember these rules and me just letting my ego totally take control.....a lot of the time i go into defense mode....so for the guys out there that are reading this....i just want to say don't make this mistake because it gets in the way of honest communication. I really look up to my brother in law because i see how his ego and pride rarely get in the way of communication with his wife. Anyway let me tell you what we learned from the argument... when it comes to our relationship...the bottom line is that I don't have the energy for our two rules... i barely have energy to stand for 2 mins..but my wife has the right to feel the way she does...and for all the cancer wives out there...i want you to know that husbands sometimes get so wrapped up in cc that they might need a reminder now and then to still pay attention to their realtionship...cuz that is still alive and can get so easily lost without care and attention. I guess that goes for any event in your life....be it your job, a death in the family, or your just being busy with school.
this is something i think all couple should be always thinking about (these are now my wise wife's ideas, as are mine now.. but she gets the credit)...if you put your relationship on the back burner, that's when things go bad... you start communicating less, become less attentive of each other... basically all the things couples do when they are in a relationship for a long time.. my wife likes to say just because you're married doesn't mean you stop trying, you always have to make an effort... it's like before your married.. you are constantly trying to be better for each other, you do things not to loose the others respect.. but when you are married, as the saying goes you "let go"
So basically when i feel good for a day....i should be talking with my wife and checking in with her to see how shes feeling and also to let her know how i'm feeling (not physically but emotionally). And I had to remind her that this cc life isn't permanent. we came up with this conclusion after some yelling and some silent treatment.. but we got there.. hahahahahah
so what else.. as i mentioned before we had an awesome weekend, we relaxed and chilled and now we are back.. oh i was supposed to get chemo last monday but my counts( these are my blood levels..my immune system...so when theyre too low...they cant give me chemo) anyway they weren't high enough, so it was pushed back to wednesday, 2 days ago... so now my back is sore from my L.P.
i'm not as nauseous from the chemo today but wednesday was a bitch... i'm in such a foul mood when i'm nauseous...my poor wife...she sometimes laughs when im in a bad mood and says "God better give me a solid gold baby after this!"
joonam, if i havent told you enough, i love you and you deal with alot... You are the strongest person i know.
anyways i'm going to go take a nap now.
peace
1 comments:
Hey there...
I'm really sorry that you are dealing with this terrible disease. It sounds like you are a real trooper, though, and I think it's great you're blogging about your experience.
I came across this post because I was searching on "leukemia" and "marriage." My husband's mother was diagnosed in June '09 and recently had a stem cell transplant. We heard the diagnosis the evening of the same day my husband lost his job (or rather, got himself fired). Since then, he's been so focused on his mother's illness I feel he's neglected our marriage. I am trying to be supportive but it's hard to do everything while he "de-stresses" by playing video games and drinking with his brother. If I expect any attention to our marriage, I am perceived as selfish and uncaring.
Anyway, your post made me feel a bit more validated about my own feelings of abandonment during this time. It's true that you have to put the effort into a marriage, even when you are facing difficult times.
I wish you and your wife the best of luck. You are lucky to have each other, and I love the basic rules you follow. Stay strong together!
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