tired

to answer some of the questions i've received..

"have you every considered vlogging?"... No, i haven't... i'm not exactly sure what it is, but i'm going to guess video blogging... and it is.. as i have just googled it... i don't like the way i look right now.. so i don't think i'll do that... i've never thought i was particularly good looking, but i was always comfortable with the way i looked, i was happy with it... but now with the steroids, and side effects... i really have a hard time with looking in the mirror... mainly because i look like a sick person. I have rarely felt the way i look. in regards to loosing hair; the first time i went bald, i had a hard time, but in time i grew to not mind the look.

"can you tell us about why you named the blog icanparkhere?"... some people can already guess why.. but for those of you who don't, keep following, and i'll let you know on the 1 year anniversary of this blog ;)

"Would you consider becoming a chef after you are done with treatment?"... I have given it some thought actually.. i just don't think i have that much of a passion for it.. i think i just enjoy eating more.. I think it'll become more of a hobby in the future..:)

"Do you think you would be interested to become a doctor to find the cure for your cc?"... well, one thing i have considered is becoming a nutritional consultant (because i want to get a degree in nutritional sciences), for cc patients.... I believe there needs to be more research done in the role food plays with disease and health. I think there can be better ways is the we cure or manage our diseases... i guess i would only consider research if it involved nutrition.

"what would you tell someone who's just been diagnosed with cc?" .... well i cant speak for all types of cc....but i would probably tell them that its not so scary when you get used to the idea.....and dont freak out when they give you the tour of the hospital floor that you'll probably be staying on for a while....stay positive as much as you can...and dont ever let cc take over your mind....i try do this as much as i can..

"what are some of the biggest benefits you think you've gained from this whole experience?"

Im still not sure how to answer this one....i think it might take me time after this is done to understand what ive been through...ill get back to this one..

"In what ways would you say that your Faith helps you in this experience?"... it has kept me from asking the question "why me", it has given me the tools to better deal with this in a positive outlook rather than negative... i feel like i have become distant from my faith though.. not because i am angry or resentful... or that i blame God... but because i'm sick most of the time, that i don't have the energy to pray or read...this is why you have friends and family pray for ya, because you physically can't... ;)

forgive me for not writing as often, i think my body has had enough chemo.. all i do now is sleep.. i've been asleep most of the past week... so it might take a while for my momentum to come back